triana

In a good light, to the stars

2012-02-09T00:54:00.004+08:00

Prince charming, where are you? I'm wearing this pretty dress, and is waiting for you, my knight in shining armour :) HAHAHHAHA.

(dances around feeling verrrrryyyy preeeettttyyyyy HEHEHEHE)

Thank you rinner, for this wonderful sister bonding day :)

2012-02-07T18:41:00.006+08:00

(Fuck it, pick up the phone Triana.)

5..

4..

3..

2..

(hello?)

Thank you Elly, Su, Asnim, M, Faris, you've been a really good friend in need.

I just gotta keep reminding myself that I deserve the best, and I'm beautiful inside AND out.

Yes Elly, I promise I will never go back.

Yes Su, I am beautiful.

Yes Asnim, I gotta try.

Yes M, I gotta be strong.

Yes Faris, I know I'm blessed.

2012-02-07T02:57:00.004+08:00

Reading through texts after texts after texts, sometimes at nights like these, I wonder, if I have made the right decision. 3 to 4 years down the road, I might be with someone else, but I'll always think of the beautiful memories no matter what happened. My past, I don't regret, for I've met the most wonderful people in my life, yet also the most painful experience too.

2012-02-03T17:18:00.002+08:00

You think I'm like you anyhow screw around? Dah boring jer buang

I just teared when someone told me that.

Wishing upon a star..

2012-02-02T23:45:00.007+08:00

I WANNA HAVE THIS ON MY BIRTHDAY...

INVITE FRIENDS AND WEAR PRETTY SUNDRESSES...

AND TOAST TO WONDERFUL CHAMPAGNE...

FOR A DAY....

AKU SERIOUSLY MCM FAHAM. I can if I want to, but I mean, SHOULD I? Only close friends and family will obviously be invited but....(see, there's a freaking BUT in that sentence urghh)

What's keeping me from doing that? I still got that phobia of last year's birthday. I wanna do it for myself you know, not for anyone else, for myself. For me.

My sister said I'm showing off, and I don't need all this..it's too much.

Fact is, I just wanna do something memorable, something I don't always do everyday. I wanna be happy.

For once, I wanna receive something from myself.

For once, I wanna be happy.

For once, I wanna say to triana "This is for you."

Is that too much to ask for? )':

MY birthday seems like a burden to me. Maybe I'm just getting older ):
You know what, this is just so dumb. Whatever, screw this thought, Idk why I'm feeling sooooo emotional when it comes to this.

2012-02-02T17:03:00.001+08:00

I OFFICIALLY HATE BIRTHDAYS!!!!!!!!!

Stronger

2012-01-29T03:17:00.006+08:00

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean you're lonely when you're alone

What doesn't kill you makes a fighter
Footsteps even lighter
I'll make it on my own.

I'll do this. I have to.
Fuck this year's birthday.
Broken-hearted but my will to live isn't.
I'll fix this, I'll be fine on my own, I promise (;

WELLLLLLL.....in the meantime, I've got MAC's full eyeshadow make-up and lookey lookey to what I did with my right eye? Pretty? <3
Colours...what would it be like if everything was just black and white ):

Can you make it better?

2012-01-23T19:00:00.003+08:00

"Everyday I pray to Allah for your return..."

Which boyfriend would say that to his ex when he's already attached?

So heartbreaking, this is )':

I think I forgive people too easily. Dear God, why'd you give me a weak heart?

To the one who planned to be gone by the end of the month.

2012-01-19T01:55:00.003+08:00

"I love you so, so, so much.

Please don't leave this world. You aren't finished yet. There is still this awesome person that you are yet to become. No matter what has happened, you are not finished yet. I haven't given up on you."

-Anonymous

Pardon me for my sadness, but this...this is just too sad, so depressing it kills a part of me inside ):
30 pills, what was I thinking....

Sometimes...

2012-01-19T01:13:00.002+08:00

My 22nd is just around the corner and surprisingly, I found myself sitting down thinking why the hell should I make a birthday party? Not that I want to be reminded of having uninvited guests who'll crash and insult people like they own the world like it did last year, but I guess it's more to why should I get myself a birthday cake, or a HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAT, or invite and tell people "hey, its my birthday so come down..." bla bla bla. You know what I mean? Sometimes you just wanna leave it alone and see who are the ones who will remember and make the extra effort for you, just for you. Sometimes you just wanna feel what its like to be loved, instead of reminding them that you've existed for 22 years in this world.

I've never had any big surprises, sweet cupcakes, balloons and signs that says We love you TRIANA! Neither did I have people singing Happy Birthday songs in restaurants for me in bigger groups, or people wanting to take pictures with me, just because its my birthday and they wanna make it special for me.

It had always been wishes in texts, calls, and facebook, and meet-ups a few weeks after that.

Not that I am ungrateful for the past 21years, for I have always celebrated with my family and a few close friends of mine. A simple cake at home, singing in whispers too afraid we'd wake the neighbours up on midnight, and presents I've always cherished no matter what it was.

I should be blessed, hell yeah I'm so blessed to have what I have, but sometimes, don't you just wanna know how its like to be appreciated by others?

2011-12-06T20:07:00.001+08:00

14 March 2010. My 21st birthday, something I think I need to let it out. For some things, I decided to leave horrible emotions behind but it was not going away any further from me, I need to embrace it. I need to learn to accept and forgive.
-
Someone uninvited came over to my party and spoke words so vile, so hurtful. One of the many reasons again, why I sometimes feel so low about myself.

A few days ago he sent me a facebook message, asking me for forgiveness only after he came back from Mecca. This was what he wrote,

Hey Triana,
You will probably find this very unexpected, and there is no motive behind it. I just wanted to apologise for my behaviour at your birthday party last year.
I wont blame it on being drunk, i remember saying it and i still remember what i said. It was really unfair to say that to you especially as it was YOUR birthday party as well. I really shouldn't have judged your friends the way that i did.
I just came back from Hajj and for some reason i was thinking about you, and i just felt really ashamed of what i had done at that party. I know its nearly a year on and you have probably gotten over it, just allow me to get it off my chest as I really, really, am sorry.
I hope that you will accept my apology, if not i will understand.

And so I replied,

And so they say, people forget what you say, forget what you did. But people will never forget the way you made them feel. And how you made me feel on MY birthday, especially because it was MY 21st, you decided to mock blatantly like you were the greatest, like you felt nothing was incomparable to you. You were God.
Even God don't do that.
You sat on the floor, swaying with your glass of Bombay Sapphire, slurring words of foul sarcasm and rudeness so far beyond anyone could handle...beyond any girl could take. And I think a girl would've broke down and teared there and then. Perhaps some would have jump down and killed herself if she was vulnerable and weak. Your words, could've cost someone's life.
I know you're apologising, and I forgive you. But why do you apologise so genuinely only after you come back from Mecca? Why do you apologise only after I said I was not at all happy? Were you not sincere before? If you had not the chance to do the pilgrimage, would you have not realised that what you did to someone you felt unimportant in your life was wrong? Even so, would you have done it to ANY of your friends? I doubt so.
Those very words you speak, I conspicuously remember and as emotional as it may be, I still cry. For you have made someone feel so low like they're unimportant, you think I'm never gonna be as good as you. You think nobody else will be better than you.
Yet I feel everyone deserves the best, so who are you to tell me where I've done wrong? Then again, every word is a prayer. And I see the good in everyone.
Please dont do this to anyone else, more so a girl.
Wassalam,Triana.

I cry everytime I meet people who'd stab me in the front with nothing good to say about me. I know words that doesnt kill you makes you stronger, but I feel so low and so ugly on the inside, losing the battle of self will and self confidence, contemplating, hey am I really that ugly?

And why do people only regret after they've met or feel God, what if there wasn't any chance at all? Why do mean people exist ? ):

We live, we love, we learn, we let go.

2011-11-25T21:10:00.005+08:00

My sweetest sister, and boyfriend is now over at Su's place. Her friends are there, her everyone's there, and that includes the ex boyfriend that fucked up my life. Oh yes syed nabil, as blunt as ever, even my sister twittered this :)

In your face hunneh ;)

That, isnt what Im suppose to be writing about.

Su's dad just passed on at 6:07pm, and I really wished I am there and give her the warmest hug ever. Another downside of flying.

You, I am so sorry I am not there, I feel helpless not doing anything, feeling guilty because you've been by my side at every lowest point in my life yet I am not even trying to be there, but I promise you once I touch down, I'll come by and meet you the soonest possible. I know you might not be reading this and your mind's whirling with emotions, confusions at the blur of the start, but like you told me on the phone 5 minutes ago, you'll take this in your stride..in time. You have my prayers su. I love you so much, please be strong.

Amin.

Zalim

2011-11-24T22:22:00.003+08:00

One of the reasons why I hate being a cabin crew in the airline- The culture. Honestly, why would people (cabin crew) write each other in and complain to the company for the mistakes you make?

Come on you selfish prick, just because you're single and you're a chief steward, it does not mean you are THE ONLY ONE putting bread on the table okay. Havent you any sympathy at all for others too? Everybody's human enough to err, so why cant you just leave it? I'm sure you would not at all like it when you find out from others that someone's writing you in behind your back right? Heartless, really heartless.

You're heartless, you're no human, neither are you God, and you...amongst many chiefs I've worked with are on my hated list so far. KARMA. Karma isn't revenge, its something I believe in because God is fair :)

So anyway, 7 days flight from Korea to San Fransisco, and finally pictures of the really karat golden gate bridge ahahah :D Well, at least I've got beautiful memories of San Fransisco, and I CANT WAIT TO BE BACK HOMEEE YO! x

My playground

2011-11-13T20:28:00.004+08:00

One of the many reasons why Zirca is still my favourite club; it's got good events. And good events lead to good music.Yesterday's event SPREADLOVE was so awesome I was pretty shocked alot of people recognised me when I havent been going there for a while. Boyf must've felt fucked up knowing that the club's filled with malay guys 360 degrees, insecurities building up in him I can tell. Sorry babylove, but you know I've toned down right? Hey, I can safely put a ratio of say about 10 guys to 1 girl- so its actually scary wondering why more guys party instead of girls.

Whatever, weather's too good to get out of bed and with this kind of songs, STEAMM KODOK BODOOHHHHH! Haha! ;)

2011-11-06T18:49:00.002+08:00

For the first time in my whole of 21 years, I celebrated Hari Raya Haji alone. It's not fair, really its not )':

2011-10-23T21:57:00.004+08:00

God is my witness, and I believe that whatever I do, I know I have a clear conscious and I have nothing to hide. Most of all, I will not admit to a crime that I did not commit. Dear God, open up his heart and let these people judge without influence of the negativity.

"ur saying this because ur doing this....n i know."

It's been more than 7 months, and I'm still fighting.

Get a move on

2011-10-21T20:36:00.003+08:00

2nd leg of the Dubai/Cairo flight is done, its 1437hrs here in Cairo, Egypt and I've been away from home for about almost a week, and I miss family and Ilyas so much already. Giuliana & Bill's on screen right now, it's making me feel nostalgic.
Was really looking forward to this trip, because its my first ever trip to the land of the Egyptian kings and sphinxs and I was so confident I'd be able to smell the air Cleopatra breathed; but just too bad it's always the expect the unexpected theory.

And as I further type each vowel and consonant onto this virtual diary, I contemplate, this job, is so fake. Did you know the entire time I was with this "set" I'm working with onboard, I had to feign a false front? From emotions, to smiles, it's all bullshit. untterly ridiculous.

"Babe, you're only 21?" Naturally I replied "Yeah, I am. I dont look like one? Because ever time I fly, I get alot of people telling me I look more like 24-25."

"No, not about your looks. More of your character. Very matured for your age." Compliment? Up to you to decide, because like I said before, its about being fake.

I cant just possibly let out my anger or my discontent with something to anyone. I am in no position to because I am just a non-ranking crew and senior crew look down on us, chiding us to one corner and if they hate your face God gave you, they hate your attitude. 2 years of flying, yet I feel some junior crew are stepping over my head. Politics, everywhere, I learn to be independent overseas, suck all those rude/sarcastic comments in, and get a move on. Another bullshit, you see different perceptions, opinions, judgements, you'll tend to be more humble and thank Allah for the little blessed things in life. Gosh.

So quit your job Triana, why are you still here? You keep fainting, you just got discharged from the hospital 1 month ago, you keep throwing up, you've got low blood pressure and you always feel anxious, this nervousness is so overwhelming, you're literally shaking even before flight. Why are you still here?

Of course, its about the money, but I need more time and money to save and do what I'm really passionate about. Music. I love everything about music. The Performing Arts. I yearn to perform on stage, that amazing feeling when you get on stage and people watch you do what you love best, and give you the standing ovation at the end. I just got wide-eyes at the thought of performing. That adrenaline, is so fulfilling :)

I just can't wait for the future, and till then, Imma quench my thirst on some Caramel Frappe. Homeground on the 24th, real excited to see everyone.

Au Revoir :)

2011-09-10T15:18:00.002+08:00

It's done. I love you, and I'll always be here for you. I'll watch you from the sidelines. And as long as it takes for you to be happy, I'm happy too. You chose, its fate.

And no matter how hard I try, fate still wins.

So I just got to let go. It's all up to me now.
To those who have been on my side for the past week, it has been an emotional roller coaster ride and I thank you for giving me the strength.

If God put me in this, God will put me through this.
Wassalam.

On my mind

2011-08-31T00:14:00.008+08:00

To my one and only, Ilyas Omar.

I know that we've been going through hell for the past 5-6 months, but we've managed to stick through the situation together. Thank you for that.

I know that today, has been aweful, alot of misunderstandings, in fact I think all the time it has been about misunderstandings, trust issues, compromising, family, but please baby, please be patient with me.

I am sorry for the hurt I've put you through.

I am sorry for the horrible and explicit words I've said to you. You know I don't mean them.

I am sorry for being wayyyyy too selfish and you have to mengalah with me ALL THE TIME.

I am sorry for taking advantage of you, you know me so well that you know what's gonna happen next when we fight.

I am sorry for the blue blacks and bruises and the scars.

I am sorry for not listening to you coz I am sooooooo degil.

I am so sorry babyboy, for everything. And I know that I should be saying this to you in person, on bended knees and holding your hands while looking into that beautiful eyes of yours, but because we never had the chance to when I walked away, maybe saying it here would be better than an sms.

Selamat hari raya baby, and thank you so much for making every effort in which I selfishly do not realise, and STILL be with me.

I love you, and I thank Allah for bringing you into my life :)

Thank you

2011-08-28T20:47:00.005+08:00

This post, is dedicated to my wonderful babysister and mom....I love you both.

A few days back, 5.15am on a Friday, I woke up to have my sahur with my family. I received a text from him saying that his mom wants him to get back to his exgf of 7 years, and is very VERY willing to sponsor their engagement asap. I broke down, knowing that he isn't fighting for me, because all he did was kept quiet.

He could've said something, right?

He didn't.

My door was opened, didn't go to the living room, cried my eyes out staring at the text. Mommy came in, with bread and eggs and tea, but the moment she saw me, placed everything down, and placed her hand on my head. Sat down next to me, and I blurted out everything.

Mama, he's getting engaged.

She listened,

Tik, I understand how you feel. Tik, this is called fate. If they're really going with the engagement, pray for them. Pray for them, and I'll pray for you. Someday, you'll find someone. Dah, dont cry anymore, I sedih tengok you nanges.

Those words, has been on my mind ever since. Keeps replaying, back and forth, over and over.
My sister sat next to my mom, and started tearing too. Daddy stood behind me, helpless. Mommy cried, hugged me, and the whole house was suddenly filled with silence.

It's as if somebody died.

So terrified.

But from this point on, I know that family comes first. NO MATTER WHAT. And no matter what shit I've done, I know I will ALWAYS have their support. I cannot express my gratitude towards them, for they have been there for me through thick and thin. Words, so undescribable, I am very thankful to Allah for giving me such a beautiful family I can always count on... the warmth, the inner strength nobody else can give, and most importantly, the love :)

2011-08-09T04:37:00.002+08:00

And then that little voice inside my head said to me, you've tried your best. Give it up already. However long you stay, you always make the same mistake.

Mmhmm

2011-08-07T21:56:00.003+08:00

So high, yet so ugly.

2011-08-01T00:22:00.003+08:00

Then he said, "Fuck you. you dont know the meaning of rs thats why your past rs doesnt even last for years."

What more do you people want from me? 1 left me for another girl, another slept with his ex when I was away, another contacted and denied there was nothing going on with his ex.

And I dont know the meaning of relationships.
I guess so.

It's not always rainbows and butterflies.

Umm dadah uuwoahh

2011-06-03T21:52:00.002+08:00

Been awhile since I did a proper update. Realised for the past couple of posts were entirely about Amir. Oh that favourite boy of mine, how much I've missed him since he went away into prison.

I've actually in no mind to even update this little blog because I have nothing to update about! Life's good, I've been flying here and there, family is good too, except for the part where we all have to live with GRANDMOTHER WHO'S STAYING IN WITH US OMG THE TORTURE. *roll eyes please!...and as usual, my love life suck. So I've been taking a break and been living life man! :D I'm gonna admit it but you know what, I'm actually happy!

I haven't been crying, I haven't been feeling numb, I haven't been anywhere NEAR to getting heartbroken. Because I've been on dates and Imma keep it that way man! I feel good not being attached, period. And until I feel empty and lonely again, that's when I need to start thinking about settling down.

So in the meantime, when life gives you lemon, I dont make lemonade, I take it with patron tequila baby! Cest La vie baby! <3

I'll shout your name all over town

2011-04-27T21:56:00.002+08:00

Dialled your number, and confessed to you. I'm still in love, but all I heard was nothing. You said nothing....

Come home soon amir. Please come home soon. <3

2011-04-03T02:55:00.001+08:00

I wish so much for things to be different right now ): Sigh.

1203

2011-03-24T20:20:00.003+08:00

I love this photo. Somewhat like wedding vows kinda shit. Hahaha. I miss this :) Now my heart's buried in the dust. Free me, free us.

You see...

2011-03-08T21:16:00.002+08:00

You can't love others if you haven't love yourself first. I know I haven't. And I'm afraid.

teardrops

2011-02-22T03:26:00.003+08:00

We counted the stars. and you kissed me on the forehead. I miss you.

"awwwwhhh!"

2011-02-16T04:31:00.002+08:00

My new found mentel super act cute and annoying friend. No, not the mom. HAHAHAHA :) Again, mixed blood. Kenings naek naek ma man! LOL! OHHH & THE BEST PART? WE HAVE THE SAME BIRTHDAY! WE'RE GONNA BRING THE HOUSE DOWN THIS YEAR ON OUR 21st BIRTHDAY! Be there if you know where we're at!! ;)

Onto my knees, I'll pray for your safety.

2011-02-10T23:00:00.004+08:00

Some people wouldn't understand the situation I'm in right now. They tell me, why are you still madly in love with him? Move on, he'll never change like a leopard that'll never change its spots. I suck at love, and I know I'll do better without him definitely, but when you love somebody, you love him/her wholeheartedly. And I do not regret loving him. I cry because I care, I feel hurt and disappointed because he's important to me in my life.

And most of all, he's still beautiful in my eyes. He just, didnt do it right.

Things turned out so evil, but you'll always be my hero, even though you've lost your mind. Babyboy, I'll see you in 5 years time. In the meantime, I'll write you letters about life, about love, about happiness. I love you md. Amir, always.

xx, me.

On the line

2011-02-07T22:07:00.005+08:00

I recalled. How I made you cry last year. How you wouldn't let me talk to you in the club with tequila shot in one hand and another wiping the tears off your face. And I'm sorry. I didn't mean to always get in your way all the time and made people to damn you as a "playboy". It's funny, because I've always had this small little minor crush on you. HEY! I'm over that okay :) And it'll be a deadly combination, you and I. HAHAHA. You know, I know. Am I glad that we're such good friends now. Oh Afif Rockefella, what would Trianalove do without her party people :D

This place about to blow

2011-01-29T03:22:00.005+08:00

I MISS THIS. OKAY DID I JUST SAY I WASNT TEMPTED ON TWITTER?

SCRATCH THAT.

And this was at Zirca. Fark, I miss that favourite playground. Okay, Imma party soon ;)

Heart of the matter

2011-01-21T21:06:00.001+08:00

Forbidden to remember, terrified to forget; it was a hard line to walk;
Even more, I had never meant to love him. One thing I truly knew - knew it in the pit of my stomach, in the center of my bones, knew it from the crown of my head to the soles of my feet, knew it deep in my empty chest - was how love gave someone the power to break you.

-Ruiqi

Supras

2011-01-20T02:37:00.000+08:00

I'm actually writing this on my bb. Wonders of a thing called technology. So I'm in love with skater shoes now. And I actually loved the shoes I got for my exboyf for his bday.

Now I wanna hunt for these kind of shoes in New York. Let me get trained for 744fleet please oh please. Okay goodnight lovers :)

Love

2011-01-15T18:05:00.002+08:00

This is for the broken hearted.

I know how you feel.

Empty, betrayed, and no happiness whatsoever. You don't want to laugh, because you know it's not going to help, but you don't want to cry, because it will just make you feel worse. You feel like your heart is falling apart, but not only that, but you know soon your life is going to feel like it's falling apart too. You don't think it will ever end, and no matter what this person has done to you, it feels impossible to stop loving them. And everyone wonders why if they have hurt you so much, then why do you still love them. That's the confusing part, you don't know why, you just do, and the people who hurt you the most, and normally the ones you love the most.

And then, after a few weeks, you finally feel a sense of relief, like you're getting happy again, but you know inside that you're just going into denial. And after a few more weeks, you're back to where you were an empty soul and teary eyes. You thought you got over them, but really, you just stopped showing it. And you can't help but to show it again. It leaves deep scars on your heart that are there forever. And no one understands how you feel, and how deep you are hurt, no matter who they are, because it hasn't happened to them And even if it has, every broken heart is different. They don't know the true pain you feel and carry each and everyday now, so you learn that basically you are alone with all this.

And the feeling starts to overwhelm you, and suddenly you just break down, right there, because you know you've had enough, the tears just instantly start flowing, and you're to the point where you don't care who see's. Because you've spent so many nights lying awake in bed, and so many days being haunted by the scars and fear of rejection.

And in the midst of all these tears, you know that its not helping any, and it's not going to bring them back, if you ever even had them in the first place. After about a million tears have been cried, you finally pull yourself back together and keep going. Your throat starts to clench and your eyes burn with the tears you are trying to hold back.

Everyone says, "It will be okay…" But you know it won't.

And that’s the truth, it won’t.

And you look back on all of the hurt you had from this, and you realize that people are horrible. You're still hurt, but you've learned to hide it so that everyone thinks you are okay. So now every time you see this person, you know you still love them, and you feel a slight tingle in your heart yearning for them to love you, screaming out, but for some reason they don't hear it. And then you sit back and wonder how one person could have caused all of this..

Sometimes, people don't give up because of one reason: Hope. They keep hoping that everything will be fine, everything will change. They hope that things will work out. They hope when they forgive, things will be better. And it's this Hope that keeps people going. Even though they know deep down, it isn't working.

And deep down right now, its you I'm missing still.

Stage

2010-12-18T01:26:00.003+08:00

Will you still love me if I look like this? Will I still look pretty even if I'm like this?

TAK MENJADI!

2010-12-17T11:18:00.002+08:00

My hot boyfriend

2010-11-24T16:41:00.003+08:00

Fucking love this picture. So hot I like ;) LOVE YOU MD. AMIR! Heart shape heart shape many many to you sexylove!

ALMY

2010-10-26T20:41:00.006+08:00

For you;

♥

To the girl who has been through ups and downs with me, lend me her shoulders for me to cry on, always letting me know I can count on her like four three two, thank you. I think, I can never thank you enough. You're the best friend I've got, you're Godsent.

I wish I was here in Singapore to make your day better, I'm so sorry. Always know you're in my heart no matter the distance. Happy Birthday love, you're the best!

XOXO.

You're it

2010-10-22T23:20:00.003+08:00

For him ♥

Portraiture

2010-10-20T15:36:00.005+08:00

My life's a revolver, my sex is a killer. Do you wanna die happy, do you wanna die happy?
;)

Damn that model. I feel so uglayyyy now. Haha!

Love & motion

2010-10-19T01:06:00.000+08:00

I can never get enough of him.

& the best part? He respects me like how a woman is supposed to.

Eid Mubarak

2010-09-13T17:23:00.004+08:00

The very first time I give those green packets to the little ones, instead of receiving from the elders (: I feel so olddddd already. Haha, oh well. Time pass huh.

So there's a bottle of Cabernet Souvignon red wine in the fridge. Daddy must have brought it home while I was away. Anyone wants to have fine dining over at my place people? ;)

Menjelang Syawal

2010-09-07T05:23:00.002+08:00

Will be in Singapore in about 24hrs time. Just in time for Raya (: Imagine if I wasnt around. I'll be devastated. Family matters. Then again, Milan's a place I wanna stay a little bit longer :/Time to sleep. Bye.

Insya'allah

2010-09-04T18:29:00.004+08:00

Si parfois tu as du mal à avancer si tu te sens seul, si tu te sens paumé.
Quand la nuit s’éternise, que l’obscurité t’oppresse même désemparé, même si tu ne sais quelle voie suivre.
Ne baisse pas les bras et ne perd pas espoir car Allah est toujours proche de toi..
Refrain1:
Incha’allah..x3
Tu trouveras ta voie
Incha’allah..x3
Tu trouveras ta voie
Si parfois tu commets tant de fautes que pour te repentir tu penses qu’il est trop tard.
Tellement confus des mauvais choix que tu fais qui hantent ton esprit et emplissent ton cœur de honte.
Ne baisse pas les bras et ne perd pas espoir car Allah est toujours proche de toi..
Refrain1
Vas vers Allah, il n’est jamais très loin, fais lui confiance lève tes mains et pris Ouh Ya Allah guide nos pas, protège nous de l’errance.
Tu es le seul qui puisse
‘nous montrer la voie’x4
Refrain2:
Incha’allah..x3
Nous trouverons notre voie

Talking to the moon

2010-08-31T22:15:00.007+08:00

We say things we mean things, but we literally aren't there at all. That's the hardest & saddest part of it all.

Why, do you see my flaws instead of my strengths? Why, do you blame and point your fingers solely at me? Do you know my story? Do I look happy to you?

Everyone's so distant now. & it hurts me so much. That's why the reasons to all the smoking, drinking, partying. It makes me forget the pain.

I've turned to God, I did. I still do. I pray every night that tomorrow will be a better day.

So please, give me a space to breathe, a space to make mistakes. I'm crying so hard right now, the thoughts of suicidal is coming back. I'm weak, please forgive me for I feel like I'm unimportant, and ugly to you right now.

Because the hurt I've been through time and time again, you can never measure up to mine.

"Babe, you okay???"
Me: I'll be okay honey. You know I will.

Time heals, I know. But for how long? ):

Keep going on

2010-08-30T18:37:00.004+08:00

You're so irritating, but you can never stop me from what I wanna do (:

Highs & the lows

2010-08-27T01:20:00.005+08:00

WE LIVE ONLY ONCE.
Should've, would've, could've.

I just love reading my older posts, don't you?
All the memories, all the crap & bull, all the ups & downs, it makes me feel ME again (:

heh.

You know I know how

2010-08-24T03:22:00.008+08:00

So we went over to marina barrage, & there was this police car next to us at the road. Came back a few hours later, now a different road, & the same police car drove next to us & stopped.

I laughed, they laughed. They even said Hello and waved. Sempat per. Haha!

Oh, step up in 3D was so-so. The music was awesome, the dancing was ummmmm, can I say that the first movie is always the best? Yeah (:

Afkharisto!

2010-08-21T19:48:00.004+08:00

Athens, GREECE (:
Will upload more when I finished combining kelvin's, angie's, yugi's and my pictures together. I'll keep them coming yo!

Just a dream

2010-08-17T20:32:00.003+08:00

I was thinkin about him, thinkin about me.
Thinkin about us, what we gonna be?
Open my eyes, yeah; it was only just a dream.
So I travel back, down that road.
Will he come back? No one knows.
I realize, yeah, it was only just a dream.

If you ever loved somebody put your hands up.
And now they're gone and you wish you could give them everything.

Tell them I was happy

2010-08-16T00:03:00.004+08:00

I might lose my mind for a while, but I'll be fine.
Have you heard there's this thing that heals, and it's called time.
Clock can tick away, happy will fall in place.
& though my heart will break, a new me will fill the space.

To the people I've dated & loved, I love you. Forever.
xoxo, triana.

sweet sixteen

2010-08-15T07:54:00.004+08:00

To the girl who's the leader of her percussion band, the girl who says HARLOW in a hongkee manner very convincingly, the girl who writes notes and leave it on my desk "I love you, cheer up tik." when I wake up in the morning, the girl who loves paramore, the girl who's trying very hard to get into her desired course in poly but still find the time to wake up & wait for me by the kitchen window to see me out from the cab after each flight, the girl who tells serious LAME jokes, the girl who is the total opposite of me in terms of dressing,

HAPPY 16 BIRTHDAY ELLY (:

I think without you, I'd come home without laughter. May you excel and succeed in your future endeavours and hope you love the wonderful present I gave (belum beli pun HAHAHAHA). In any case, if you can't get into your law, there's always a high possiblity of you getting a stewardess job ;) Heh. Love you lik. Always will.

ELMO

2010-08-14T08:22:00.000+08:00

Elmo once said, "Me love me blanky in the whole world. Me sad if me blanky would go away. But if you lose your blanky, me give up my blanky for you cause that’s how much me loves you."

):

Papaprika!

2010-08-11T00:44:00.006+08:00

Me & the girls over at dblO

Anyway, I had a little misunderstanding with mommy a few hours before I left for Germany a few days ago. But I came texting her back saying how sorry I was to make her angry. & she replied me this.

I'm your mom, I know what's right and what's wrong, what's best for you. I will always be there if you need me. I will always be with you even if you are far away. I will always love you forever :)

I love you too mom.

& to all muslims around the world, selamat berpuasa.

2010-08-03T01:12:00.001+08:00

The cullens

2010-07-28T00:46:00.001+08:00

Can someone replace Jackson & I replace Ashley, and then we'll do a photoshoot together? Something like this. Please :DD

Food, glorious food.

2010-07-26T12:59:00.004+08:00

This was in Beijing. Hotel buffet was just, amazing I tell you. The spread of sashimis, salads, sirloin steaks, lamb chops, soups, pizzas, cakes, ice creams, wines, champagnes, was never ending. Me and the rest of the 12 other crew sat at the restaurant from 6pm till closing. HAHAHA. Most buffet in Singapore would fetch you from 80bucks onwards, but not here in China hunneh. It's so cheap, and its good too. Imagine, 1/4 of that price. Yes, 20bucks inclusive of free flow of drinks. Omg right? Considering its a 5 star hotel, you're just gonna be one happy kid luh(:

Oh, & the hotel room ahhh. Its bigger than my living room and kitchen combined siahh! Now that's luxury baby. Go there okay? Grand Millenium Hotel. (I talk as if I'm promoting the hotel like that eh. LOL!)

Chance

2010-07-18T01:00:00.005+08:00

Club Mix in Beijing on thursday with my 3 crew, Butterfactory with my batchboys & girls on a Friday night, teh tarik at 7am with hafiz, Manhattan Fish Market with my family, & a Chanel present to end the day for my mom (: Belated birthday gift. Love you always.

Madras INDIA flight tmr evening. Fuck, let's prepare 2 whole jugs of whiskey and tonic water okay? >:[

She's right.

2010-07-14T21:48:00.002+08:00

2 wrongs doesnt make 1 right

2010-07-12T21:00:00.007+08:00

Was in holland a week ago, and then a friend of mine came up to me & asked, "How was the weed?"

HAHAHA, if you want me to get a death sentence in Singapore, then yeah I would have done it. But damn boy, they have like marijuana lollipops, cannabis tea, and what not luh. Was doing my cabin checks when I decided to look out of the window (this pic was taken from google. Sorry, I didn't have my camera with me but it looked exactly like this!) Sunrise, SQ297 passing over Mt. Cook. Totally overwhelming you know. Really really beautiful I swear.

Oh, & New zealand's fucken cold right now, its -4degrees. No wait, -10degrees!! OMG! Madness right?! Smoke comes out of your mouth everytime you breathe in air. Okay, I'm so kental eh. LOL! Can't wait to be back home. There's always a fight going on at home whenever I'm outstationed ):

I'm having this hugeeeeeeee cravings for chocolates right now. Oh, and instant noodles. Why huh? It's definitely not the time of the month, been eating so much. Been smoking so much. Been feeling down so much. Sighh ):

& thanks for keeping quiet already. I dont need any of your childish nonsense on my tagboard. Much love.

FYI

2010-07-08T03:52:00.003+08:00

I don't need to prove to anyone. But heck, do leave me alone after this okay? Mengarot siah, tkde keje tengok blog org laen. Cis bedebah! What else do you people not believe? hmmph! Seriously, you all should start minding your own business. Grr.

I dont know you, but I love you

2010-07-06T01:27:00.002+08:00

I burst into tears when I saw this.
I’m sure all of us before, have felt like we wanted to write our goodbye letter. I did );

All of the above

2010-06-27T05:29:00.009+08:00

& so he went & said to me....

Anyway pictures of LONDON is up on facebook! Whooopedooodahdey!

Check it out check it out yo!

Jet lag is definitely hitting me hard, I only sleep in the day & wide awake at night. Screwed up eating times also. Fuckkkk. I need a massage too. Whole body aches, my legs feel like jelly after every long haul flights. Crew culture has surely adapted well on me huh. Damn. What'll make me happy is the MONEY to get into the bank acct, like nowwwww please.

Okay Imma go eat the cadbury chocolate he bought. Nighty night lovers of the universe!

ZOUK

2010-06-19T21:04:00.006+08:00

I ♥ DJ HONG :DSeriously, there's a fine line between an aquaintant & a friend.
Do not expect anything in return if you want to give. I believe there should be a balance to what we do everyday. We're no angels ourselves. Yayi used to tell mommy, to always be patient. Always. People who mind don't matter, people who matter don't mind. God is fair, karma will bite you eventually.

What doesnt kill you, makes you stronger.

Enough said, LONDON THIS TUESDAY I CANNOT FUCKING WAIT! OKAY BYEBYE PEOPLE! WHOOP WHOOP! :)

Dancefloor with Desinger Dr*gs

2010-06-15T00:10:00.005+08:00

Hafiz, and that's it. Fuck man.

I dont mind, I dont I dont mind

2010-06-14T15:17:00.004+08:00

Finally back from San Fransisco & Hong Kong. Zouk last night was awesome. Facebook has them pictures baby! I am super lazy to upload here in blogger hehheh(: Sydney tmr, will be back on Friday morning. LOVE!

Maria Maria

2010-06-01T23:08:00.002+08:00

Oh Maria Maria
she reminds me of a west side story
groving up in spanish harlem
she's living the life
just like a movie star
Maria Maria
She fell in love in east LA
to the sound of a guitar yeah yeah
played by Carlos Santana

This song is stuck in my head now ever since it played in the car at 4am with Afif and Wan.

From simpang, to mustafa to road block to bapoks at changi, and to old changi hospital, time to get back to flying. FIRST SOLO IS IN A FEW HOURS TIME.

BISMILLAHHIRRAHMANIRRAHIMM.

SIA's Batch 5 Graduation

2010-05-25T15:18:00.004+08:00

Our poster (:Daddy & MummyThe very best, I swear.

Finally, batch 05 of 2010 has graduated! (: I'll definitely miss my batchgirls and batchboys. So much memories within 3 months!!!!

From girls talk with ranjeet!, nat, sel and angry bird, to EH ROKOK AH ROKOK with uncle philip, to Nyahh, tu goreng pisang sedap sia with wan, to minah sia youuuu with halon, and sexy bitch for I AM NANA FIERCE in class, I managed to hold back my tears. I love you all so so much. XOXO
Dinner with them for the final time before the girls fly back to their hometown in Japan. Timbre @ Substation after 11pm, Heineken, Shiraz, chicken wings, pizzas.

Wednesday Ladies night tmr. Please, I wanna be with them, please I wanna fly together with them. The photo montage made everyone teared )':

Everyone's split to different directions now. Fuck, I miss my batch already.

3 numbers

2010-05-16T13:47:00.009+08:00

So I was at the club with my usual people, at the dancefloor as usual, when I saw a familiar familiar damn familiar face.

I looked at him, he looked at me, he came over, said,

"TRIANA TRIANA TRIANA!!!" & hugged me. Like as if we knew each other for long time already like that.

Wahhhh, I feel so honoured Haizad remembers me ah! Good good, very good ah! HAHA!

OH OH MY ROSTER IS OUT ALSO!!
BANGKOK JAKARTA HONGKONG SAN FRANSISCO SYDNEY LONDON BALI KUALA LUMPUR HERE I COME BABY!

syiokk ah! :)

Get crazy let's go

2010-05-10T20:52:00.002+08:00

I'm dancing alot, I'm taking shots and I'm feeling fine. I'm kissing all the boys & the girls somebody call the doctor coz I lost my mind

;)

UH OH

2010-05-09T23:22:00.002+08:00

Go chelsea uh uh go chelsea.
We're gonna lift the title tonight! WINKWINK ;)

MELBOURNE

2010-05-04T16:18:00.004+08:00

First SNY flight, everything went well. Crews were all good to me, specially the seniors crews. So motherly and fatherly hahahaha. Sayang can handle not? Tell me if I'm too fast. Why you never eat? At least drink something lahhhh.

Me and ayumi actually got the chance to sit in the cockpit during take off and landing okay how cool is that right wooooooohooo! (: The weather was 15degrees, I only wanted to be in the hotel room coz it's warm inside and I was fucken sick high fever flu cough dryness and what not, it just spoilt my appetite I couldnt smell anything -.- But the food there, omg. Everything there just taste so much better. No wonder caucasians are bigger in size than asians. Ahaha.

Imma be at Shanghai tmr. Philip will be there, what else, my drinking kaki! WOOO! I just love my job. The best job in the world let me tell you, you only work hard on air, on ground you party even harder ey. Even the minister don't do that! ;)

Airplanes

2010-04-25T13:29:00.005+08:00

Timbre @ Arts House

Butterfactory. The usual boys, and crews crews crews.
We all got buttered. Crazy awesome night. Hell yeah!
Short-haired girls are just too hot to handle ey ;)

I could really use a wish right now, a wish right now.

Let's cross each other's minds

2010-04-17T23:14:00.003+08:00

And as I'm typing down these words, I'm lying on my bed wondering why people I texted to isn't replying me. Found out that maybe they might not even receive it at all! Why oh why starhub, I paid my bills already so don't do this to me.

I wanna go butter factoryyyyyyy :( !!!!! My people are there! Damn the weather, it's being such a slut right now okay. Sucky sucky sucky.

Okay picture time woooo!

1 degree

2010-04-07T20:56:00.007+08:00

That silly person 2nd from the right texted me, commenting on my profile picture. Haizad: See? I got it right, before high consider still tipsy, my advise to u is drink b4 u take pics, coz that look in ur profile pic is classic! Ikut cakap orang dulu classic tu makna "Hot" k. So it's exceptional for u, drunk is not ugly for u, lol.

HAHAHAHA WHAT NONSENSE!

Why so serious?

2010-04-05T22:55:00.002+08:00

Cannot believe I actually did the make up on him a while ago luh!! With my Loreal eyeshadow, revlon super red lipstick and alot of powder/bedak (hahahahahaha), TADAAA the skinnier version of Joker.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Okay I wanna sleep. Bye.

one love

2010-03-30T22:57:00.006+08:00

OVERDUED PICTURES FROM OBAR AND HASCIENDA!! This long weekend, butterfactory?
My girls :)
(: It takes time.

Confessions of a broken-hearted girl

2010-03-29T21:05:00.003+08:00

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

As much as I yearn to hold somebody's hand, feel the kiss on my forehead in the pouring rain, hugs me when I'm scared of the thunder, assures me that everything's gonna be okay when I have a rough day at work, writes me letters that'll make me smile retardedly to myself, gazes into my eyes for 1001 no apparent reason, family dinner and hear his laughter at my dad's jokes, cupcake hunting, cuddles me till I fall asleep, knowing that when I wake up, the first thing I see is him. But,

I'm still very much afraid.
I'm so, so afraid of giving my heart to someone else, again.
I'm just so afraid to fall in love, afraid of saying goodbye.

Because the hurt and the pain I felt, is too much for me to bear. My girls who have been there for me, thank you.

So many heartbreaks, in just 20 years of my life.
At the end of the day, I'll still have to stand on my own two feet alone.

YAY!

2010-03-22T20:28:00.002+08:00

Satuday night was spent under the dim lights and empty streets in Tampines with AFI FIELD, talking precisely about everything from childhood to relationships to families to friends :) thank you for the company okay! Everything was so random!

& then Sunday was with An an, who surprised me with the 3 prettiest things ever! And the best part, it's all pink! HAHAHAHA :D The food at lucky plaza was awesome tooooo!!

Now did I mention anything about studying? Okay damn it. Focus tuty focus!

3 monkeys & a Labryinth

2010-03-20T05:37:00.001+08:00

Friday night, is now officially a girls night out ;)
Where's the next place for the ultimate Margaritas babes?

Whisked away

2010-03-18T23:33:00.006+08:00

Of course, today's training in class was about alcoholic beverages.

Trainer's quote of the day; Personal preferences :)

End of story.

I need my daddy to pass me his book of alcoholic concoctions. Exams is in a few days time!!

Meet me halfway

2010-03-16T18:36:00.002+08:00

I think late nights (okay not-so-late) with my ALMY baby is simple the best. Can't wait to have dinner at that Italian restaurant @313 this thursday! YAY YAY YAY! ♥

Okay, I'm so fucken tired now. I need sleep, okay byebye. By the way, AFI PLEASE DONT CALL ME WHILE I'M ASLEEP! I know you're reading this beb. Heh (:

14 is 20 OH!

2010-03-14T23:25:00.005+08:00

Thank you for those who have me in your thoughts, no matter the distance, a simple line or messages through texts, facebook and calls, and those pretty presents;
Thank you so so much (: I really appreciate it, I feel really blessed!!
I love you all. Most importantly, thank you God.

I'm 20. The big 2 (: Let's go and continue the year with more happiness!!
XOXO♥

Mono lined

2010-03-13T23:05:00.003+08:00

SO PRETTY! PINK PINK PINK! :)

Thin lips & her blue eyeshadows

2010-03-12T00:33:00.004+08:00

This, should be SQ Cabin Crew's new model ey! Exactly the same make-up!! Really hilarious! The hatter & the queen is just love, you idiot! Off with his head! Ahahaha :D
& This, I literally cried when his daddy died after John read out the letter for him (it was really emotional I could hear people sniffing badly too), I sobbed when he didn't know what she wanted, but I was frustrated because the ending was crappy!! I think John should've died instead. Yes, really. That'll make my money worth I guess. *shrugs*
My new favourite book right now :) Anticipating letters after letters, I pretty much wrote something like that for Reza too. He promised he'd read one note every day, and I counted, the day he reads the last note is the day I might be leaving SG.

We'll see how it goes, yeah? I'll never know who'd fall in love with my smile (:

Dear Reza

2010-03-07T12:14:00.007+08:00

I heard his voice 12 hours ago, and it ended with both of us crying on the phone. Of course we argued, moments of awfully awkward silence and screamings, tears, but finally, after months and months of waiting, I now know - what I was really waiting for.

I'm not stupid, I'm very much well aware how you feel about me, as much as how I feel about you. I feel so strongly about you Triana. And if you thought I took you for a joyride, or if you thought that I took you lightly, you're wrong. I swear I took you seriously. You think I wanted this? You think it's easy for me? You think I haven't been thinking about you, and what I should do? What do you want from me? Why can't you be abit more positive Triana? I need time. I don't want us to end it just like that, no okay. I just need time, because I am afraid...

I just want a perfect, happy ending. Please baby please )':

Jet black!

2010-03-01T19:11:00.004+08:00

My hair, is now short and it's dyed black to basic. I look like Reza's ex girlf now hahahahahah. Padan muker kau skrang tengok saper yg ader the last laugh. Aku bodoh, aku. Did I remind you of her? You stared at me when I'm not looking at you and you pretend to focus on your fucked up concierge work when I'm giving you the glance. How sweet of me to even purposely sit down in front of you and happily smiling and joking around with the boys ey? ;) That's for you, dear boyfriend. I swear, PLAYERS ARE SUCH LOSERS AND SUCH COWARDS.

Get a life, dickhead (:

To you

2010-02-27T13:32:00.003+08:00

To this sweet, handsome, dedicated, loyal & beautiful person,
May you rest in peace, Salleh Aziz.

I am sorry I didn't have the chance to tell you when you said you missed me just a few hours ago. I am sorry you had to go. Why did you have to go? ):

I'll always, always remember you in my heart.

Al-fateha.

0510

2010-02-27T01:25:00.003+08:00

♥ this batch so much (:

You & I

2010-02-26T23:06:00.005+08:00

When it was good, we were sitting on the top of the world.

You told me you always wanted to get that white rosary.
You told me how you won't wear any kind no matter how expensive it is, no matter who gave it to you because you'd only wear the one C. Ronaldo wears.
& yet, I see pictures of you wearing it. Wearing the one I gave.

It hurts. It hurts me so much, and all you said to me was
Baby, I'm sorry. I'm out of words. Please don't cry.

I'm in love with you reza. That's why I can't let go ):
But I have to. I just have to.

I'm so tired of crying all the time.

CHINGAY 2010

2010-02-21T23:41:00.004+08:00

Reza: Hello peminat chingay, buat aper tu?

-.-

Yeah, I was there lah. And I missed their performance. Screw up. Uggh! But lucky lucky there were pictures to compensate the shitty feeling after that! :D♥
More of facebook! (:

I recommend...

2010-02-21T21:32:00.006+08:00

THE PIZZA PLACE. At Raffles City.
Sialah, the lasagne here is just, AWESOME. Beats Pizza Hut and everywhere else hands down. But of course, fattening. So if you are planning to give yourself a treat, this is the best place to chill. The ambience is great too! (:
--
Reza: You kat maner?
Me: Starbucks. Where are you?
Reza: I'm outside just finished watching the match. Say byebye to their 4th title in a row. & merayap jer eh ni budak. Tak tau nk balek eh? Haaaaiz.

HAHAHA, Man U lost? Awwwww, poor thing. Chelsea ftw sayang (:

The heart of the matter

2010-02-18T21:59:00.006+08:00

When it's clear that you don't feel the same way for me... the problem is that as much as I can't force you to love me, I can't force myself to stop loving you.

My first training flight is this coming April, to Australia. will you keep your word & send me off? Sighs ):

Anyway.
...during our bonding session in class today.
Me: I don't drink. DO YOU DRINK WAN? *shouts from across the room because we sit at totally opposite corners*
Wan: HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA DIAM AH!
Trainer: What's this? Singapore Guy talks in Malay? Oh no!

Okay inside joke. Hahahaha ;)

I smell like you!

2010-02-17T01:03:00.006+08:00

It was supposed to be a "kak, I blanje you Ben & Jerry's keh?" Instead, this 18yo adik angkat of mine spent so much on FOOD. Drumlets, garlic bread, ice lemon tea (I dont know why they put extra sugar on our table), lasagne, bbq chicken pizza, caramel frappe, and what else? I don't remember. He still said it's not enough. Ughh. Everyone is feeding me. Thank you so much I appreciate your kind gestures and lovelay treats but baby baby baby, I need to maintain my body weight of 52kg keh! If not I die. Hehehehehehe (:Homed, and I smell of Reza. AIYOH, its still on me even after my shower. Just exactly why did I put that perfume on just now? :/ BUDI ALFIAN, just why did I introduce you to HIS perfume!? Silly silly triana ramlan rachey.

& there's a freaking huge fat lizard near my door. Someone, please get that thing out of my rooooooooooom!! ITS FAT!!!!!!

Grrr!

2010-02-16T15:22:00.007+08:00

As much as I hate you for always making me wait for uncertainties, I can't help but to missyou and wantyou ):Silly tattooboy, I fucken miss you lah. Get that into your head, come here, and hug and kiss me can? Ughh!
Dah lah, I am going out for some Ben & Jerry's ice cream at vivo. Bye.

2010-02-15T23:29:00.002+08:00

You came texting me asking when's my flight.
Baby, you don't even know when I'm leaving because you never took the time to.
Work is afterall, your number 1 girlfriend. You apologised, but what am I suppose to do?
I just hate this part right here. This just sucks :(

Behind what TV!

2010-02-13T00:43:00.000+08:00

Ini treat, for the belated birthday boy. Sungguh lambat but heck, better late than never! :)

Did I forgot to mention them?

2010-02-10T02:05:00.000+08:00

THIS, was taken just recently. With wawa sleeping next to aynn because I took too long trying on clothes from Cotton On. Hahahahahha.
& THIS! Is just awesome awesome dinner date with the SAC Babes (: (don't ask me when this was hehe)